I mean I understand the need for drama, but why does almost everything have to be terrible? For almost everyone? I mean they were practically playing the soundtrack to Schindler's List over the preview for next week's episode! So let's list the hateable things about this season so far. I'm telling you, we'll all feel better.
1. TEDDY LEFT! WTF show?! Teddy was pretty much the only character that I haven't wanted to punch at some point, even when he was being jerky or ridiculous. (Though the best part of last week's ep was when Ivy told him to stop whining and feeling sorry for himself and buck up, seeing as he is incredibly rich, handsome, white and healthy. He is kind of a whiner.) I like Teddy, and I was loving his friendship with Silver, and his romance was cute, and it is so lame that they wrote him out, especially since Annie continues to have a large role.
2. The entire Silver/Navid plot. I hate hate HATE television plots where the only real problem between two people is that one of them keeps lying about something stupid. Now, I will admit that 9021o gave Navid a pretty decent reason to lie to Silver. (I mean the cops told him to, and I suppose she is the type of person who would show up at his uncle's office screaming about how he's a car thief and she's on her way to report him to the police.) But still, it just seems insane to tell someone you just have to lie to them, without any other information for that person whatsoever. It also seems weird to dump your boyfriend after finding out he is in way over his head in some kind of insane high-end car thieving ring...oh no wait, I guess that makes sense. If I were Navid, I totally would have cracked and told Silver 20 minutes after that teenage cop told me not to. (Note to cops, I am not a good candidate for undercover work.) Anyway, I am pretty sure that Silver's new boyfriend's kid is gonna totally fall in love with her and think she's her new mommy and stuff, and then the whole Navid being 21 Jumpstreet will come out and it will take FOREVER for them to get back together because Silver will feel all guilty over the kid, and my annoyance will continue. (Yes, I pretty much just want them to get back together, they were cute, whatever.)
3. Ivy & Raj Faking being better and dumping your wife? Bad move Raj, especially since the entire point of you marrying her was so you could experience marriage before you died. I guess now he wants to experience divorce? Pro tip: it's not as fun.
5. Back from the dead Alaska Fisherman- This plot really had the makings for awesomeness, with the whole "banging-your-presumably-dead-friend's-prego-wife-and-then-it-turns-out-he's-not-actually-dead" thing, but instead they just hugged it out and the wife went back to Alaska with him. I was hoping for some kind of psycho stalking attempted murder or something.
8. Liam hates modeling- Why? Liam is super hot, but damn, no one wants to see some kid whine about how people want to take pictures of him because he is super hot. Just let him sexily own a bar and model on the side, and stop having stories based around jobs and money. They are boring and suck, and these people should just have money and shut up about it.
9. Annie and Dixon are broke See above. We know it's gonna work out, so instead of forcing Annie to turn tricks, let's just have them be all set with the inheritance money so they can move forward with drug problems, car accidents and the like. I mean whoring yourself out for your brother's rehab? That is just too depressing for 8pm on a Tuesday night.
10. Naomi's a bad girlfriend We know that, she's been a bad girlfriend since 90210 started. It is actually one of the only consistent character traits anyone on this show has ever had. I don't need be reminded of it again, twice, with two different guys in the first half of the season. (I miss Max. I am into nerd-love.)
11. Naomi caring SO MUCH about the Greek Council. She's gorgeous, beautiful, rich as hell, and apparently a talented event planner being groomed to take over a successful business when she's 20. Why would getting to be treasurer for her college's Greek Council even register at this point? Maybe this is because I went to a college where frats and sororities were thought of as havens for idiots, but this Greek life crap is totally uninteresting to me.
12. Vinny from Jersey Shore guesting on the show twice. Ugh.
There were also things I liked though, don't worry! They include:
-Liam's hair in this episode. He should go without bangs ALL THE TIME. Damn.
-Dixon and Adrianna are kind of cute, and I actually buy her transformation from evil to good.
-Liam owns a bar! It's so Peach Pit After Dark, I love it! (Oh Dylan McKay. I miss you.)
-Annie getting that mean grandson to let her have all Marla's money! Yay for not having to hear her worry about being broke anymore! I do think it's funny that she felt so entitled to the inheritance even before she knew the grandson was a jerk who couldn't care less about Marla. I mean she knew the woman for like, 6 weeks, tops. How does that make her more entitled to the money than Marla's actual family?
-Annie's "boyfriend" calling up and proposing some girl on girl action in Hawaii! That dude is all class. (I laughed super hard at this, so it counts as a like.)
-The girl who hit Liam deciding that she was going to run from the cops after she realized that he is a model with a big billboard. Also made me laugh super hard.
-Everyone lives in Naomi's mansion. Perfect.
-Holly and Naomi's rivalry being about something real (love of a mother!) instead of about something involving a sorority.
-The fact that Millie from Freaks and Geeks is still playing a teenager, 12 years after her Junior year at William McKinley High School.
Let's hope that Liam recovers fully and sexily from his motorcycle accident and never brushes his hair forward again. Also that Navid's Dad has returned to help get out from under his evil uncle's thumb, Silver ditches the old guy and gets back with him, and Dixon's drug problem rears it's ugly head again. (See, I don't want everything all happy-happy joy joy!) Also, I would like to hear Adrianna write a song about how she's sorry about trying to make Silver kill herself, and Naomi to just find herself a sex slave that likes to be dominated and do her bidding so she doesn't have to worry about whiny boyfriends. I also hope Holly develops an eating disorder and Annie gets nostalgic for her days as an escort and does it just for fun now that her money's come through. Oh, and that the dead Alaska fisherman comes back to get his revenge with a hook or something. That would be cool. And Teddy comes back and continues being awesome and stuff. And Raj lives! All of that should happen.
Next week: Well, if the soundtrack of the preview is anything to go by, the Holocaust, or something just as bad, I guess.